The Jokes Thread.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

A black guy, a catholic preist and a politician all get on a plain,

It crashes and they all die, regardless of race, religion and occupation.

A black guy, a catholic preist and a politician all get on a plain,

It crashes and they all die, regardless of race, religion and occupation.

Plane* .

Dirtiest joke ever, and not for girls.

Q : What's the difference between peanut butter and jam?
A : You can't peanut butter your dick up someone's donkey.

best joke ever....YOUR FACE xD

A businessman enters a tavern, sits down at the bar, and orders a double martini on the rocks. After he finishes the drink, he peeks inside his shirt pocket, then orders the bartender to prepare another double martini. After he finishes that it, he again peeks inside his shirt pocket and orders the bartender to bring another double martini. The bartender says, "Look, buddy, I'll bring ya' martinis all night long - but you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order a refill." The customer replies, "I'm peeking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, I know it's time to go home."

A blonde walks into a library and asks, "Can I have a burger and fries?"

She draws everyone's attention towards her.

The librarian says, "Madame, this is a library!"

"Oh", says the blonde, gets more closer to the librarian, and whispers, "Can I have a burger and fries?"

[Kanadier]

gets more closer to the librarian

There's a joke in itself! Haha, "more closer"?

gets more closer to the librarian

There's a joke in itself! Haha, "more closer"?

even though I has written a couple most of these are copied from different places Mr. Grammer Nazy.
See what I did there?
Anyways,

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you.

Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."

To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[Kanadier]

LMAO!

This beautiful woman one day walks into a doctors office and the doctor is bowled over by how stunningly awesome she is. All his professionallism goes right out the window...

He tells her to take her pants, she does, and he starts rubbing her thighs.

"Do you know what I am doing?" asks the doctor?

"Yes, checking for abnormalities." she replies.

He tells her to take off her shirt and bra, she takes them off. The doctor begins rubbing her breasts and asks, "Do you know what I am doing now?", she replies, "Yes, checking for cancer."

Finally, he tells her to take off her panties, lays her on the table, gets on top of her and starts having sex with her. He says to her, "Do you know what I am doing now?"

She replies, "Yes, getting herpies - thats why I am here!"

[Kanadier]

Lol. Oh that b**ch!

On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, "My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe." The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished."Oh, oh, aaaahhh," he exclaims, "My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, "My picture?" He answers, "Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever".

She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, "Why do you wear a robe? We are married now." At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, "oh, OH, OH MY, let me take a picture". He beams and asks why and she answers, "So I can get it enlarged!"

oh i have a goood one however the language used in it is rated R so therefore i cannot in good conscious tell it on here. if you would like to know it then feel free to message me.

oh i have a goood one however the language used in it is rated R so therefore i cannot in good conscious tell it on here. if you would like to know it then feel free to message me.

Just add a warning and post it
I don't think it goes against any rules given here :
viewtopic.php?f=152&t=16809

lol well ok then here goes and if i get banned so be it it was fun meeting you guys. WARNING DO NOT READ THE FOLLOWING JOKE IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY CRUDE LANGUAGE:

A White Guy, Black Guy, and Asian Guy all die and go to hell when they get down there they meet Satan who tells em "i'll put you back into a body back on earth if you can run across this lava while holding your d*ck in your hand with out it melting" they all look at each other and agree to it the Asian Guy goes first he grabs his junk and runs across the lava he gets about two feet across before it melts and he falls into the lava the White Guy goes next and he's like "i can do this" so he grabs his d*ck and runs across he gets about half way before it melts and he falls into the lava. The Black Guy goes next he grabs his d*ck and runs all the way across when he makes it to the other side Satan is waiting for him and asks him "how'd you do that?" the Black Guy looks at him and says "didn't you know Milk Chocolate melts in your mouth not your hand?"